real honesty.

10.22.2010







i've sometimes (well mostly really) used this blog as a way of documenting our life as a big, happy family and the role that jaccob and i have as parents, and to be honest i tend to only write about the good things and the good moments...the 'oh so cute' and sweet parts of our kids and for the first time i'm just going to put it all out on the line.

being a parent is H-A-R-D!!! sometimes whether we like it or not it is frustrating. it is overwhelming. it is aggravating. i know as a parent i shouldn't say things like that. i know better. i know those words seem like taboo when talking about how we feel regarding our kids, but come on, we aren't saints or angels...we're human and because of that we are prone to have moments of weakness and eventually no matter how hard we try we can't help but 'feel' those feelings. i know i don't like it, it makes me feel like the worst mother in the world, but it's the way it is. nothing in this world is ever perfect. nothing. especially not parenting. it is never black and white. it is grey. sometimes good, and sometimes bad.

now the reason why i write (say) all of this is because lately isabela has been trying my patience. a lot. she seems to be in this stage where nothing i tell her seems to be registering with her. i tell her not to lay on the kitchen floor because it's dirty, and the next thing i know she's laying down on it. she plays really rough with the dogs, hitting them on the head and i tell her to be gentle with them and she's not. i tell her to leave the front door alone, and she is constantly opening and closing it. COME ON! i mean, REALLY?!? why is it that i'm not getting through to her?!?

i am very firm with her, speaking to her in a very strong, somewhat elevated tone and yet she continues on being defiant. jaccob and i are firm believers in disciplining our kids, and spanking and a smack on the hand is not uncommon for us. we were both raised with discipline and we have no intention on doing it any other way. i'm not going to talk any more on the subject, because i know it is a very touchy one. just know that that's where i (we) stand.

so back to isabela. i wonder, why this change in her otherwise sweet and obedient nature? could it just be that she's trying to test me or something? is she just pushing her boundaries to see how far i'll let her push them? i know it's probably just a phase and i really hope for both our sakes it goes away soon. i really don't want to have to deal with this attitude...at least not for the next 10 years anyway. God give me patience, i really need it.

have any of you felt the same frustrations as me? any words of wisdom for this troubled momma? any advice is greatly appreciated :)